Poem: to my once and future supervisor

I have never really written a poem before. Until now. I was reading about a poetry class handling a slur a student wrote into their poem. And something came over me and I wrote this in James Dickey style (with a nod to e. e. cummings as well). It took five minutes. I don’t know if it’s any good but I like it because it comes from somewhere deep inside of me that needs to express itself. I know that sounds like literary mumbo-jumbo but I really feel this way, Maybe this is the way I get it out. I don’t know. I’m taking a chance, but here goes:

To my Boss from the guy with BPD

Please don’t.

I need to get out of here if you do.

I think you’re a nice person, someone who means well, but I can’t abide

Can’t abide

Your bigotry

It’s not my problem that I may explode, others say that

But I know even if I get angry, it’s for a good reason

Even if I can’t display my anger in a socially acceptable way.

I punch

Walls, chairs, doors, myself

You don’t need a blade/to self harm

So let me not hear your words ringing in my ears as I make an excuse

To leave.

I must use the restroom but really I will

Go outside and hyperventilate

How can you think that? How can you say that?

I will never know. I don’t want to know

But I need to protect myself from your words

Before your words trigger actions

So I am a ‘snowflake’ but a very angry and destructive snowflake
You cross me at your peril/although I do not want to harm

I avoid I avoid I avoid. And I hate myself for it.

Excuse me for living.

I need to keep my dignity.

This entry was posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, fear, Poetry, PTSD, work, writing and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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