What Does It All Mean?

Taking a shower?

This is difficult?

Some people want to spend all their time showering. Hot water, lather, and that nozzle that you can both relax and excite yourself but I’m really getting off on a  . . . tangent here.

One of the little quirks about people with Borderline Personality Disorder and other mental conditions is that they DO NOT WANT TO SHOWER AS MUCH AS YOU.

This was not always the case – I loved to take a shower. As things progressed, I found showering a nuisance. I hated taking time for it, it wasn’t relaxing anymore and . . .

I didn’t like the feel of the water first hitting me.

I still force myself to do it because, well, smell!

But the enjoyment is long gone. Now it is a necessary chore.

This whole showering thing is not something that is well known outside of our little BPD quirk army. I can remember my own psychiatrist, both dumbfounded and angry, telling me the whole shower phobia was “nonsense.”

So I had to educate her and eventually received an apology. I couldn’t really fire her since she doles out the drugs. But yes, even mental health professionals are not hip to the shower phobia.

So this is a way to introduce the reader to the wonderfully shitty world of BPD. Quirks? We got ’em! Stigma? Oh boy, howdy! But part of my coping mechanism is trying, very hard, to find some humor in the whole mess.

So I hope you’ll get some astonished chuckles out of it. Who knows – you might learn something before it’s all done.

Having said that, I’m off to re-watch ‘Fatal Attraction’ for pro tips.


My mother took me to my first shrink when I was 13, knowing ‘that boy’s not right.’

30 shrinks and close to the same number of meds later, here I am finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder on top of bipolar2, general anxiety disorder, depression and PTSD.

I’ve been married three times, had 52 jobs (well, OK, maybe 20), burned through 77 friendships, defriended 68 people on Facebook, re-friended 18 and have generally been a pain in the ass no matter where I’ve been.

I’ve worked as a print journalist, a radio talk show host and a public affairs flack, which I do now for a government agency. About all I can say is: it’s a living, but just barely.

I try to be humorous.