Author Archives: kegbot1

Hotel Chronicles: The Unbearable Ugliness of Cheap Stucco

What color are these walls? I’m not sure. They seem to be some kind of blend of tan and something else – perhaps peach and vanilla and some kind of red berry you get in the special section at Wegmans. … Continue reading

Posted in Adventure!, art, Distractions, Richmond, VA | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Hotel Chronicles: The Art of Uncertain Despair

This is a painting, perhaps print that hangs in my hotel suite that can be seen from every angle of the main room. I have found in wandering the halls of this place, that every single room, to the best … Continue reading

Posted in art, existential dread, factory of sadness, society | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

What I’m Giving Up

I had just written 400 words into an MS Word document for a post today explaining my previous post and it disappeared. I’m used to being disappointed at this stage of my life so I didn’t put my fist through … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Catholic school, death, fear, getting old, ImNotAshamed, mental health, my father, parents, regret, self care, shame, social anxiety, suicide | Tagged | Leave a comment

Control

The meltdown on Wednesday followed a predictable pattern. It’s simple – I was already tired and experiencing anxiety and then I almost got into an accident in an unfamiliar city. When I arrived at work, I faced a mountain of … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, getting old, mental health, paranoia, PTSD, shame, social anxiety, stigma | 1 Comment

Cover me

It’s been difficult to adjust. I didn’t anticipate the nervousness, the fear, the anxiety. I guess it was from the loss of the familiar, or that I took the familiar for granted. It was supposed to be an adventure, this … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, depression, existential dread, fear, loneliness, meds, mental health, over-analyze, PTSD, social anxiety | Leave a comment

A philosophy worth exploring

So, I have an opportunity to learn something that I feel will help me master the issues caused by Borderline Personality Disorder. The discovery has arisen from discussions about toxic masculinity and the constant reference to men who are victims … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, bullshit, childhood terror, stoicism | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

The Sins of the Father

I had, what for me, was a disturbing revelation a few days ago. I recently strained my rotator cuff in my right shoulder. I did it in my sleep, which is another story entirely. I was prescribed physical therapy and … Continue reading

Posted in abuse, Catholic school, childhood terror, Facebook, growing up, mental health, my father, shame | Tagged , | 2 Comments