Author Archives: kegbot1

Field of Dreams

Ray Kinsella: Fifty years ago, for five minutes you came within… y-you came this close. It would KILL some men to get so close to their dream and not touch it. God, they’d consider it a tragedy. Dr. Archibald “Moonlight” … Continue reading

Posted in baseball, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Field of Dreams, getting old, good memories, mental health, radio, regret | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Aftermath of a bad trip

I’m in the last day of a four-day break. I needed it. I had three interviews for a job out of state. The first two interviews were electronic, the last was on site in Missouri where the agency shelled out … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, mental health, Mixed episode, mood swings, self care, work | Tagged , | Leave a comment

If

I have a lot on my mind today. Although I have been working out and lost weight, I am experiencing periods of lightheadedness and shortness of breath doing light work, like waxing the car. I have a doctor’s appointment Monday. … Continue reading

Posted in advice, bipolar, depression, existential dread, gratitude, mood swings, Rudyard Kipling, stigma | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Take that flag (and all it represents) and shove it

I just can’t take it anymore. Last night I quit the Red Mustang Registry Facebook group. I saw one too many Confederate flags. And let’s make a distinction – it was the cross of St. Andrew battle flag, NOT the … Continue reading

Posted in black lives matter, Confederate flag, donald trump, Facebook, my father, nazis, Police, police shooting | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Drowning slowly

Brain fog. Depression. Tiredness. All part of my world for the last 48 hours. I take the same pills every day. I go through the same routines every day. I have been working out and for a while, the endorphins … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, death, depression, existential dread, PTSD, self care, shame, stigma, suicide | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

September of my Years

One day you turn around and it’s summer Next day you turn around and it’s fall And the springs and the winters of a lifetime Whatever happened to them all? – Frank Sinatra I never thought about getting old until … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, Catholic school, fear, getting old, Lake Catholic, men, mental health, middle age, passion, Sinatra | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

An open letter to my dead father

Trigger warning: lots of them; read at your own risk. That young boy without a name anywhere I’d know his face.  In this city the kid’s my favorite.  I’ve seen him. I see him every day.  Seen him run outside … Continue reading

Posted in abuse, anxiety, bipolar, Catholic school, childhood terror, existential dread, growing up, mom, my father, parenting, parents | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment