Category Archives: death

Drowning slowly

Brain fog. Depression. Tiredness. All part of my world for the last 48 hours. I take the same pills every day. I go through the same routines every day. I have been working out and for a while, the endorphins … Continue reading

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A Modest Proposal

It just hit me this morning. As a Federal employee, I assumed that whatever havoc Trumpcare would wreak on the population, our benefits under the Federal Employee Healthcare Benefits (FEHB) plans would not be affected. I forgot a few things … Continue reading

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Vanilla Shit, mostly

Once again, today is almost a polar opposite of yesterday. I’m not necessarily depressed, just subdued and tired. I can’t explain it to anyone adequately. I don’t really understand how it happens myself; all I know is that if I … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, bullshit, counseling, death, depression, Fat Shaming, mood swings, self care, shame, work | Leave a comment

From my mother on the occasion of my birthday

Hello Mom, This is about the time of the morning where I would get the call from you – the birthday call. Every year on my birthday I would get my special birthday wish from you. The main subject was … Continue reading

Posted in birth, birthday, death, dresses you funny, getting old, Heaven, infinity, life, mom, When we were very young | Leave a comment

The Rise of a New Savior

“By their fruits ye shall know them” — Matthew 7:16-20 *** White evangelicals were so key for Trump that, had no white evangelicals voted, Clinton would have won in a landslide, 59 percent to 35 percent. – The Washington Post … Continue reading

Posted in A Man fir All Seasons, Browns, Catholicism, Christianity, culture shock, death, donald trump, evangelicals, Heaven, hell, men, mental health, Monty Python, Sir Thomas More, stigma | Leave a comment

No happy endings

I was able to get out of bed this morning which will probably be my accomplishment of the day. I didn’t want to. For the first time in my life, I knew I could, and wanted to, lay there all … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, death, depression, existential dread, getting old, regret, stigma, victim, violence | Leave a comment

Well meaning advice and sick coping strategies

You have your coping mechanisms, I have mine. Post Script: HOW COULD I MISS THIS? It’s one of my favorite movies. Anyway, the subtitle for this piece should be: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. The … Continue reading

Posted in advice, anxiety, ativan, Catholic school, counseling, death, depression, donald trump, existential dread, mental health, psychoanalysis, The Mighty, work | Leave a comment