Category Archives: death

If you need me, I’ll be down here

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players, They have their exits and entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, The day after Christmas. There was, as usual, a good deal of … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Christmas, death, depression, getting old, holidays, loneliness, mental health, middle age, New York City, radio, regret, social anxiety, When we were very young, Wonder Years | Leave a comment

It’s been real . . .

I’m killing myself. I know this. Slowly but deliberately killing myself. I recently turned 56 and for the first time in my life I feel truly old. And I talked to my shrink and told her that it took 40 … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, bullshit, Catholicism, death, depression, EMDR, existential dread, Frank Sinatra, mental health, middle age, self-harm, social anxiety, Social Media, society, stigma, suicide | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Who knows where the road will lead us. . .

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. After another bad day at work we went to an overpriced gourmet burger joint and were sat in a part of the restaurant that had the ambiance of an industrial cafeteria in East Germany circa … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, depression, existential dread, getting old, hyper-vigilance, meds, mental health, middle age, paranoia, regret, shame | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Digging Underground

In the event of something happening to me there is something I would like you all to see It’s just a photograph of someone that I knew Rarely a day goes by that I don’t wake up with a song … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, depression, existential dread, fear, loneliness, mental health, music, over-analyze, paranoia, society, stigma, suicide | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Escape is impossible

My psychiatrist has recommended upping my daily dose of lamotrigine 50 mg. Why not? At my age I have been a 40-year experiment in the various effects of psychotropic medicine. What’s one little uppage of the dosage? She made this … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, depression, Distractions, donald trump, existential dread, Facebook, fear, getting old, paranoia, self care, work | Tagged , | Leave a comment

We’re all on this lifeboat

What is a diagnosis of ‘mental illness?’ The quick and essentially correct answer, is the meeting of criteria for an illness is the DSM V. In addition, mental health professionals can make ‘educated guesses’ based on firsthand experience with a … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, books, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, counseling, death, depression, kindness, loneliness, peace, PTSD, self care, self-harm, society, stigma, suicide | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

It kills

I would like a place I could call my own Have a conversation on the telephone Wake up every day that would be a start I would not complain about my wounded heart Just wait till tomorrow I guess that’s … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Catholic school, Catholicism, Christianity, death, getting old, loneliness, mental health, middle age, social anxiety, suicide | Tagged , | 2 Comments