Category Archives: death

Making all his Nowhere Plans

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” ― Kurt Vonnegut On online writer friend recently wrote … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, books, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, factory of sadness, growing up, loneliness, mental health, middle age, regret, Social Media, society | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Trigger Warning – Foul Language

Yesterday, I visited my family doctor yesterday whom I haven’t seen since September. She was very interested in my BPD diagnosis and had felt that the previous diagnosis of Bipolar2 was pretty accurate based on the symptoms I had described … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, depression, funny, mental health, Podcast, PTSD | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

On Turning 55

I turned 55 today.   I stood in a very cold garage smoking a high end cigar and drinking a maple bourbon and coke and listening to Sinatra’s ‘September of my Years’ and wondering what all my dead relatives would … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, birthday, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, fear, getting old, mental health, middle age, mom | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Drowning slowly

Brain fog. Depression. Tiredness. All part of my world for the last 48 hours. I take the same pills every day. I go through the same routines every day. I have been working out and for a while, the endorphins … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, death, depression, existential dread, PTSD, self care, shame, stigma, suicide | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

A Modest Proposal

It just hit me this morning. As a Federal employee, I assumed that whatever havoc Trumpcare would wreak on the population, our benefits under the Federal Employee Healthcare Benefits (FEHB) plans would not be affected. I forgot a few things … Continue reading

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Vanilla Shit, mostly

Once again, today is almost a polar opposite of yesterday. I’m not necessarily depressed, just subdued and tired. I can’t explain it to anyone adequately. I don’t really understand how it happens myself; all I know is that if I … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, bullshit, counseling, death, depression, Fat Shaming, mood swings, self care, shame, work | Leave a comment

From my mother on the occasion of my birthday

Hello Mom, This is about the time of the morning where I would get the call from you – the birthday call. Every year on my birthday I would get my special birthday wish from you. The main subject was … Continue reading

Posted in birthday, death, getting old, Heaven, mom, When we were very young | Leave a comment