Category Archives: existential dread

The Mystery of my Childhood OCD

There’s a part of my childhood I don’t talk about much, but I always wonder about it. My major diagnosis is Borderline Personality Disorder. After a lifetime of misdiagnosis, I can accept that and work to mitigate what it does … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, childhood terror, existential dread, fear, growing up, hyper-vigilance, OCD | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Paralyzed

So another day frozen to my desk not sure of what to do. My boss is back – she was sick yesterday and simply didn’t tell anyone. One of my co-workers emailed her in the morning and that’s the only … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, ativan, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, existential dread, fear, getting old, hyper-vigilance, mental health, self care, self-harm, shame, social anxiety | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Escape is impossible

My psychiatrist has recommended upping my daily dose of lamotrigine 50 mg. Why not? At my age I have been a 40-year experiment in the various effects of psychotropic medicine. What’s one little uppage of the dosage? She made this … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, depression, Distractions, donald trump, existential dread, Facebook, fear, getting old, paranoia, self care, work | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Nobody’s Hero

I recently connected on Facebook with another person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I had a knee jerk, judgmental reaction to what she wrote (yes, that’s so BPD) and she read it and politely called me on it. That incident … Continue reading

Posted in advice, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, existential dread, fear, ImNotAshamed, mental health, self care, shame, social anxiety, Social Media, society, stigma, The Mighty | Tagged | Leave a comment

Nowhere Man

OK, I will stay out of your conversation. When I come in and L is there, we exchange perfunctory ‘good mornings’ and then, perhaps some brief weather talk and that’s it – silence, punctuated by the soft tapping of computer … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, children, existential dread, hell, mental health, PTSD, regret, social anxiety, work | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The Monsters

I’m home today having thrown my back out moving furniture. I would not say that I am bored but I’m pretty much couch-bound because I need to go back to work tomorrow as things were left hanging that require my … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, existential dread, mental health, paranoia, passion, society, Twilight Zone, writing | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Brain Weasels Attack!

Editor’s Note: I really can be quite humorous at times but lately, as you might have noticed, things have not been going well at all. I write the way I feel and I write, not on a schedule, but when … Continue reading

Posted in birthday, Borderline Personality Disorder, counseling, existential dread, growing up, meds, men, mom, my father, parenting, parents, PTSD, violence | Tagged , , | Leave a comment