Category Archives: getting old

On Turning 55

I turned 55 today.   I stood in a very cold garage smoking a high end cigar and drinking a maple bourbon and coke and listening to Sinatra’s ‘September of my Years’ and wondering what all my dead relatives would … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, birthday, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, fear, getting old, mental health, middle age, mom | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

This (wasn’t) us

I’ve gotten hooked on a network TV show which almost never happens. You might have guessed by the title of this piece – ‘This is Us.’ I usually don’t watch this kind of schmaltz but I got hooked. Maybe it’s … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, childhood terror, getting old, growing up, mom, movies, my father, parenting, regret | Tagged | Leave a comment

Field of Dreams

Ray Kinsella: Fifty years ago, for five minutes you came within… y-you came this close. It would KILL some men to get so close to their dream and not touch it. God, they’d consider it a tragedy. Dr. Archibald “Moonlight” … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, getting old, good memories, mental health, radio, regret | Tagged , | Leave a comment

September of my Years

One day you turn around and it’s summer Next day you turn around and it’s fall And the springs and the winters of a lifetime Whatever happened to them all? – Frank Sinatra I never thought about getting old until … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, Catholic school, fear, getting old, men, mental health, middle age, passion | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Depression Top Ten Hits (plus one)

Note to readers (all six of you): the muse has not been friendly the last six weeks, ergo, nothing from me. As I’ve said before it’s not that I didn’t want to write or have anything to say, but when … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, bipolar, getting old, mental health, music, radio, regret, self care, self-harm | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

I Am (not) A Rock

Part of the life of most bipolar people is regretting not living the life they could have lived. In most respects this is caused by the illness – the inability to make a keep friends, jobs, other social contacts. But … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, bipolar, bullying, Catholic school, Catholicism, class reunion, counseling, depression, getting old, good memories, mental health, mood swings, NAMI, nuns, spoon theory | Leave a comment

Ruinations on Bipolar and Life

It’s taken me the better part of my life to realize that I have always carried this disease of the brain and I shall take it to my grave. It has been the catalyst of a series of up and … Continue reading

Posted in bipolar, depression, getting old, hypomania, mental health, mood swings, regret, shame | Leave a comment