Category Archives: growing up

A Window to the Past

Please come to Boston for the Springtime I’m stayin’ here with some friends and they’ve got lots of room You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk By a café where I hope to be workin’ soon Please come to … Continue reading

Posted in books, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Catholic school, childhood terror, growing up, mental health, my father, regret, suicide, When we were very young | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Origins of a Crippling Fear

I was talking to my supervisor this morning. She went on a family camping trip over the weekend and now is sore. Her family had struck out from their campsite, exploring the nature preserve and saw some interesting land formations, … Continue reading

Posted in Adventure!, anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, childhood terror, Fat Shaming, fear, getting old, growing up, my father, regret, social anxiety, Wonder Years | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

A Catch I’ll Never Have

The local classical station plays movie music late Saturday mornings. I was listening to it just now and the theme from ‘Field of Dreams’ came on. And I, as I reflexively do when it plays, started to tear up. The … Continue reading

Posted in abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, children, growing up, my father, parenting, parents, peace, regret | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The Mystery of my Childhood OCD

There’s a part of my childhood I don’t talk about much, but I always wonder about it. My major diagnosis is Borderline Personality Disorder. After a lifetime of misdiagnosis, I can accept that and work to mitigate what it does … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, childhood terror, existential dread, fear, growing up, hyper-vigilance, OCD | Tagged , | 1 Comment

A funny thing happened on the way to the communion rail. . .

I officially received my First Holy Communion (Catholic capitals) on April 17, 1971. I unofficially received it a few months earlier. And my mother damn near killed my dad over it. First, my mom was a cradle Catholic and a … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Catholic school, Catholicism, childhood terror, faith, fear, growing up, mental health, mom, my father, shame, When we were very young | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Making all his Nowhere Plans

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” ― Kurt Vonnegut On online writer friend recently wrote … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, books, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, factory of sadness, growing up, loneliness, mental health, middle age, regret, Social Media, society | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Hey kid, don’t get a ‘big head’

I read this article in The Mighty: 21 ‘Harmless’ Comments People Heard Growing Up That Affect Their Mental Health Now by Juliette Virzi. Of the 21, I recognized several that were used on me. Many of the 21 are real … Continue reading

Posted in advice, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Catholic school, Catholicism, children, growing up, mental health, mom, my father, parenting, parents, regret, The Mighty | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment