Category Archives: mental health

What I’m Giving Up

I had just written 400 words into an MS Word document for a post today explaining my previous post and it disappeared. I’m used to being disappointed at this stage of my life so I didn’t put my fist through … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Catholic school, death, fear, getting old, ImNotAshamed, mental health, my father, parents, regret, self care, shame, social anxiety, suicide | Tagged | Leave a comment

Control

The meltdown on Wednesday followed a predictable pattern. It’s simple – I was already tired and experiencing anxiety and then I almost got into an accident in an unfamiliar city. When I arrived at work, I faced a mountain of … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, getting old, mental health, paranoia, PTSD, shame, social anxiety, stigma | 1 Comment

Cover me

It’s been difficult to adjust. I didn’t anticipate the nervousness, the fear, the anxiety. I guess it was from the loss of the familiar, or that I took the familiar for granted. It was supposed to be an adventure, this … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, depression, existential dread, fear, loneliness, meds, mental health, over-analyze, PTSD, social anxiety | Leave a comment

The Sins of the Father

I had, what for me, was a disturbing revelation a few days ago. I recently strained my rotator cuff in my right shoulder. I did it in my sleep, which is another story entirely. I was prescribed physical therapy and … Continue reading

Posted in abuse, Catholic school, childhood terror, Facebook, growing up, mental health, my father, shame | Tagged , | 2 Comments

If you need me, I’ll be down here

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players, They have their exits and entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, The day after Christmas. There was, as usual, a good deal of … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Christmas, death, depression, getting old, holidays, loneliness, mental health, middle age, New York City, radio, regret, social anxiety, When we were very young, Wonder Years | Leave a comment

A Different Drummer

Trigger warnings: news, politics. There’s a cute game people play around the holidays. Basically, the game is trying to avoid hearing any version of ‘Little Drummer Boy’ whether it be on the radio, TV, Internet or even office carolers. If … Continue reading

Posted in black lives matter, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Christianity, Christmas, donald trump, holidays, mental health, New York City, radio, society | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s been real . . .

I’m killing myself. I know this. Slowly but deliberately killing myself. I recently turned 56 and for the first time in my life I feel truly old. And I talked to my shrink and told her that it took 40 … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, bullshit, Catholicism, death, depression, EMDR, existential dread, Frank Sinatra, mental health, middle age, self-harm, social anxiety, Social Media, society, stigma, suicide | Tagged , , | Leave a comment