Category Archives: middle age

If you need me, I’ll be down here

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players, They have their exits and entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, The day after Christmas. There was, as usual, a good deal of … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Christmas, death, depression, getting old, holidays, loneliness, mental health, middle age, New York City, radio, regret, social anxiety, When we were very young, Wonder Years | Leave a comment

It’s been real . . .

I’m killing myself. I know this. Slowly but deliberately killing myself. I recently turned 56 and for the first time in my life I feel truly old. And I talked to my shrink and told her that it took 40 … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, bullshit, Catholicism, death, depression, EMDR, existential dread, Frank Sinatra, mental health, middle age, self-harm, social anxiety, Social Media, society, stigma, suicide | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The Borderline Song

I think that Borderline PD deserves it’s own song. And it should be something Sinatra would sing – from the Great American Songbook. For those of you who may be a little young, the songbook encompasses most of the music … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, getting old, good memories, loneliness, mental health, middle age, mood swings, Poetry | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Toys

Tonight, I have something to look forward to – a new toy. I’ll be playing with Amazon Fire (ha – get it? Playing with fire!) on the basement TV. Another toy, another of a seemingly endless line of distractions from … Continue reading

Posted in Amazon, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, children, Distractions, loneliness, Mad Pride, meds, mental health, middle age, self care | Tagged | Leave a comment

Who knows where the road will lead us. . .

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. After another bad day at work we went to an overpriced gourmet burger joint and were sat in a part of the restaurant that had the ambiance of an industrial cafeteria in East Germany circa … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, depression, existential dread, getting old, hyper-vigilance, meds, mental health, middle age, paranoia, regret, shame | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Brain Busted

I was shaving my head the other night (you know, to get that cool bald look), when a thought struck me. Beneath this enormous dome of a head was a brain that plays tricks on me. My brain sometimes changes … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, depression, fear, getting old, mental health, middle age, mood swings, paranoia, self care | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

It kills

I would like a place I could call my own Have a conversation on the telephone Wake up every day that would be a start I would not complain about my wounded heart Just wait till tomorrow I guess that’s … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Catholic school, Catholicism, Christianity, death, getting old, loneliness, mental health, middle age, social anxiety, suicide | Tagged , | 2 Comments