Category Archives: paranoia

On My Own – from now on

What happens when your therapist takes the side of people who traumatized you? Therapy sessions can be a blur of words and reactions. Many times, I’ll be conscious of the clock and try to fit in everything I want to … Continue reading

Posted in abuse, Alternatives2018, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, childhood terror, counseling, depression, Mad Pride, mental health, paranoia, parenting, parents, Police, PTSD, shame, stigma | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

For a Moment to be Ourselves

Last night, the madness group (or ‘mental health’ group if you prefer) staged an Open Mic Night where several people including four very talented teenagers, shared their personal stories. This was part of an overall effort to allow these voices … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, childhood terror, ImNotAshamed, Mad Pride, paranoia, Poetry, regret, shame, society, stigma, work | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Brain Busted

I was shaving my head the other night (you know, to get that cool bald look), when a thought struck me. Beneath this enormous dome of a head was a brain that plays tricks on me. My brain sometimes changes … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, depression, fear, getting old, mental health, middle age, mood swings, paranoia, self care | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Escape is impossible

My psychiatrist has recommended upping my daily dose of lamotrigine 50 mg. Why not? At my age I have been a 40-year experiment in the various effects of psychotropic medicine. What’s one little uppage of the dosage? She made this … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, death, depression, Distractions, donald trump, existential dread, Facebook, fear, getting old, paranoia, self care, work | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Flamebook for BPD

Facebook – the biggest double edged sword in the Borderline world. It’s almost like a fantasy realm – at least to me – where people I’d like to be like deign to interact with me. I can live vicariously through … Continue reading

Posted in advice, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Facebook, loneliness, mental health, mood swings, paranoia, Social Media, Twilight Zone | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Monsters

I’m home today having thrown my back out moving furniture. I would not say that I am bored but I’m pretty much couch-bound because I need to go back to work tomorrow as things were left hanging that require my … Continue reading

Posted in Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, existential dread, mental health, paranoia, passion, society, Twilight Zone, writing | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

High Anxiety

The reactions to my Monday therapy experience have not gone away. This morning I was as nervous as I’ve been in many a month. I don’t get it. Maybe a therapist could tell me. For two weeks, I unpacked some … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, ativan, bipolar, meds, paranoia, PTSD | Leave a comment